What to do When Your Child Lies

 

By: Anthony Kane, MD

Introduction

"Have a Defiant Child Problem?"

Get Your Child to Behave
Simple Step-by-Step Action Plan
Go to addadhdadvances.com

Children lie. This is part of their normal development. Throughout childhood, children clarify boundaries by testing limits. Lying is one of the things that they test. Therefore, when your child lies you should not take it personally.

Although some children are capable of deceiving by age four, five years of age is when children commonly experiment with lying. However, lying usually does not signal a serious problem. Unless lying becomes habitual or compulsive, your child will grow out of it.

Problem of Lying

Some children have a greater tendency to lie than others. This is particularly true if the child sees others lie, or where he views lying as a way to protect himself from harm. Certain personality types also have a inclination to lie. Lying hurts the liar. Chronic or habitual liars rarely feel good about themselves. Lying may cause difficulties for the child at school and with their friends. It isolates him from those he loves and may disrupt family life.

Reasons Children Lie

Very young children are not yet able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Children this age have a very active imagination and cannot always differentiate between their imagination and what really happened. Also, children this age often appear to be lying when in actuality they have honestly forgotten what happened.

Around the age of 5 or 6 children develop a better understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality. At this age, children develop a conscience and understand that certain behaviors disappoint their parents. Children also begin to experience feelings of guilt when they do wrong. At this age a child may construct a lie to avoid punishment or disapproval.

By the age of 7 or 8, children can differentiate between fantasy and reality and usually tell the truth. At this age, children lie to avoid punishment or to avoid doing something unpleasant. They also begin to understand the concept of polite social lying. They may lie to spare someone's feelings. Lies at this age may also be a cry for help. A child who is very fearful or feels overwhelmed by school or some other area of his life, may lie in an attempt to deal with this pressure.

In adolescence, lying begins to take on a new significance. However, when an adolescent lies it is not always a sign of trouble. Teens may lie simply to protect their privacy or to establish their independence. They may also lie in "acceptable situations" such as not to hurt a friend's feelings or to avoid embarrassment. Of course, a teen may lie to avoid punishment or doing chores, or in order to get something that he can't get by telling the truth.

How to Prevent Lying

Be a Good Role Model

• You are the most important role models for your child. Tell the truth. Avoid little white lies.
• Don’t lie to your child to get him to listen to you.
• Keep your word. Always explain and apologize if you must break a promise.

Encourage Truthfulness

• Stress the importance of honesty at home.
• Let your child know that you value truth.
• Teach your child alternatives to lying.
• Praise your child for telling the truth, particularly in situations where it is difficult for your child.
• Create a safe family environment so that your child can express his feelings.
• Don’t accept excuses for lying.
• Assume your child is telling the truth.

What to Do When Your Child Lies

• Do not ignore lying.
• Give your child a chance to confess.
• Give appropriate consequences for lying.
• Don't act spontaneously. Think out consequences for lying beforehand.
• Separate the punishment for lying from the punishment for whatever the lie was designed to conceal.
• Have your child apologize.
• Show your child how to repair the lie.
• Don't lecture.

When Lying is a Problem

The following types of lying may indicate a more serious problem.
An older child or teen that lies:
• To get attention.
• Habitually as a way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers, and friends.
• In order to take advantage of others.
• To hide a more serious problem, such as a drug or alcohol problem.

What to Do About Problem Lying

If a child or adolescent develops a serious and repetitive pattern of lying, then you may need professional help. Have a child or adolescent psychiatrist evaluate your child. Based upon what you find you have several treatment options:
Individual counseling – This is particularly helpful if the lying is a cry for attention.
Family counseling – This is useful for families who feel that trust has been seriously damaged, or in cases where lying is something learned from other family members. Family therapy may be vital when the child lies in order to protect himself from harm.
Group therapy – This form of therapy helps where the child lies as a way of getting attention.
Assessment for a learning disability – Some children lie in order to cover up school difficulties. Lying may be an indication of a learning disability.
Conclusion:
Lying is a normal part of childhood and rarely indicates a problem. Addressing lying early and appropriately will help prevent it from becoming a more serious concern. If your child has a difficulty with lying you need to be patient. Your child needs to know you care about him. Your child may have spent years to become a master of distorting the truth, exaggerating, and lying. It will take time for him to change his behavior.
Click here to get more on your child's behavior today!

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"My toddler is very stubborn and they won't get dressed or
do something I need them to do, help!"

Parent Learning Club's Answer...

Toddlers are at a place in their lives where they naturally want to test boundaries.

This is normal.

It's very hard to force a young child to get dressed or much less do anything.

What we recommend is that you shift the relationship dynamic between you
and your child so that your child naturally wants to do helpful things without
resistance. This is not always easy, and it's the result of a multi-faceted approach.
Which is what we cover extensively in the Happy Child Guide.

The quickest way to shift a child's defiance to cooperation is for you to shift your
focus from wanting your child to do what you ask to seeing how you can connect
with your child in a more mutually-respectful and loving way.

Use some of the alternatives to punishment. So you can evaluate the situation
and express yourself and re-connect to the child, so that he or she will feel so
connected to you that they naturally want to work with you... instead of against you.

Happy Child Parenting isn't about forcing your child to do something, it's about
having your child respect you and willingly want to cooperate and behave.
That's what eventually creates healthy respect that lasts a lifetime.

Get more parenting solutions with with the parenting learning club. Click Here!

No More Meltdowns: Positive Strategies for Managing and Preventing Out-Of-Control Behavior

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition

Self-Reflection

Parenting is a journey of endless learning. Which is why we

created a website for parents who are actively learning to be
better parents; the Parent Learning Club Website.

In order to learn, we need to take a fresh look at many of the outdated
parenting tactics and methods that we may have been raised with or tend
to use more reactionarily.

As parents who are learning to raise healthier and happier kids,
we also need to reflect on our actions in order to clearly see the
effectiveness of our own parenting tactics. In order to gain perspective
on how these tactics are affecting our child's emotional, mental and physical
health, for good and bad.

Ask yourself: "Is what I'm doing now based on what is actually
happening in this moment or am I reacting to a memory from
my own childhood; or something that more recently happened?"

Or ask yourself...

"Is it really necessary for me to respond this way?
Will what I'm doing effect my child positively or negatively?"

The aim of this alternative is to first put things in perspective. After all,
we can't expect to make clear and just decisions when we are reacting
impulsively from things that happened to us in our past.

That's why it's critical to take a moment and ask ourselves important clarifying questions.

Let's face it, when we're parenting on auto-pilot (without self-reflection)
we tend to treat our kids the same way we were treated by our own parents.
We often use parenting practices without questioning them.

While these parenting tips and tricks may have been necessary for our parents
to cope with all the demands in their lives, if you're reading this, then you now have
a chance to assess whether or not there may be a healthier way to raise your own child.

Try this Self-Reflection Exercise, and see how it works...

Get a piece of paper and a pen, and, throughout the day, while observing
your interactions with your child, ask yourself these questions, and write
your answers on the paper:

- How did your parents talk to you? Is it how you want to talk with your child?
- Are you doing to your child, what was done to you, out of habit?
- If you're tempted to react or punish, question your motives first, and have a
look at your own childhood.
- Were you punished as a child?
- Did your parents threaten you? make you feel guilty? did they be-little you?
- What did you feel you needed most from your parents that they didn't give
you enough of?
- What did you love most about your parents?
- Can you remember a time that you felt really connected with your mother?
and with your father?
- Was there a game that you played with your parents that you were fond of?
- What kind of physical affection did you receive from your parents?
- What things did your parents do that you don't want to do to your child?
- What things did you learn from your parents that you would like to pass
on to your children?

We can only change things we're aware of...
...and the first step in becoming aware is to
question what we're doing NOW and get
clarity on our first lessons in parenting from
our own upbringing.

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In summary, follow these simple steps:

1. Notice how you parent
2. Ask yourself if what you say to your child is REALLY coming from you, or
if it's the same things that were told to you as a child.
3. Think about your upbringing and answer the above listed questions.

Just noticing for now is enough. You don't have to take action.

Remember, awareness is the first step. Nothing can be effectively "fixed",
"changed" or "improved", until you are clear and aware of what is really
going on for your child.

-----------

That wraps up your e-report:
7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment.
Simply by knowing and applying these
little-known secrets about child disciplie
you'll be way ahead of the game of stressing
less and enjoying the little moments in parenting
more. We hope you've enjoyed these tips and
suggestions. Click here for more...

Here's to your parenting success!

  

Parenting Apps for the iPhone

I am in the process of creating my own parenting app and did a little research on what is currently available for smartphones. Here's a helpful article on the subject or get mine at http://parentingtoolbox.isites.us Tell us what you use for parenting on your phone by leaving a comment link or tweet us @ronhuxley  Source: http://www.brighthub.com/mobile/iphone/articles/111674.aspx Rearing kids is not an easy task. Fortunately, for some of the most trivial parenting chores that we parents face, there is an app to help us get through. Our parents must be envious of our generation since we have several of these iPhone parenting apps that we can use to help us get through the day and successfully take care of our kids. Read on to find out whether you can use any of these iPhone parenting apps to your advantage and make the otherwise daunting task of raising kids an easier one. Positive Parenting Practices I The first app on our list of iPhone parenting apps is a pretty interesting one and based on the knowledge and teaching of Dr. Tom McIntyre, a former teacher of students with challenging behavior and learning disabilities at Hunter College of the City University New York. With that credential you can be pretty sure that all the helpful tips and information that this app gives you are accurate and applicable to children's behavior. With this iPhone parenting app you'll be able to understand the reasons behind your child's actions and master the effective use of proven behavior change strategies. (Price: $3.99) Download Link. KidsCheckup Here's what is being touted as the perfect parenting tool which is quite expected from an app designed by pediatric experts. This app provides answers to questions about your child's health. Some questions answered by this app include - if your child's condition is really an emergency, or whether you need more information about your child's sickness. In other words, KidsCheckup tells you when your child, given their current condition merits a check up with your family doctor. The app explains symptoms and gives tips which are easy to understand. The app also has other features including maps to more than 50 Cook Children's locations, contact information and a visual tour of a medical facility. (Price: Free) Download Link. KidChart Here's a pretty useful iPhone parenting app that gives you a most kid-friendly way of tracking and reviewing your children's behavior. What you'll appreciate about this app is the fact that it has an interface which will surely catch the attention of your kids even at a distance. The app also uses distinctive sounds that your kids will easily understand. The app gives you a list of your children's most recent and most frequent behaviors. It also lets you add or search for specific behaviors and lets you track that behavior as exhibited by your children. You can then use this list for reinforcing a good behavior or making them rethink their bad behavior. (Price: $0.99) Download Link. hAPPy family The best feature about this app is the fact that it was created by a mom and former elementary school counselor. So you can rest assured that the information and the tips you'll get from the app are reliable and based on the developer's first hand experience of dealing with children's behavior. This is an engaging, unique and fun iPhone parenting app based on a simple reward idea. Your child selects from five collecting themes - marbles, bugs, ocean, animals, candy or treasures. You then assign the number of images that your child needs to collect before you give them a reward. (Price: $0.99) Download Link. iGrounded Here's a simple app that allows parents to set limits and enforce appropriate consequences to undesirable behavior. So that when your kids break the rules, you'll give them the agreed logical consequences. The app features a grounded wheel of consequences, a mystery doors consequence game and more. (Price: $0.99) Download Link.

Image by photog63 via Flickr

What crazy adventures do you have planned for your family for the summer? Are you staying home due to financial reasons? How can you have fun and stay frugal? Taking a trip to the beach? Going on a vacation somewhere exotic? Share with us...

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• Summer Family Fun (crazyadventuresinparenting.com)

Generation G for Green?

Image via Wikipedia

I have exciting news: I bought a composter! I have recylced and conserved but never composted. Maybe it is because I didn’t have a yard till now. Well, I have plenty yard…too much even and composting is my new fav. I feel like a little kid throwing the tops of squash and my morning coffee grounds into the grass and leaves. So fun! Teach your kids how to do this and make it a family affair…

Read more on green parenting at http://www.more4kids.info/560/green-parenting/

"So, what is Green Parenting? Teaching our children to conserve our planets energy and resources has been around for many of us for years now. However, with increased global awareness of our planet Earth’s decline, now more then ever we need to teach our children how to utilize the resources that are already available to them, without creating further harm to the environment. By starting our children out learning how to be friendly to the environment, living in harmony with it, the whole world benefits for future generations to come. So how do you teach your child to be more green conscious? With all the ads on tv as well as in stores, for harsh chemicals of all kinds geared for making life easier, its harder to teach a simpler and more green way of life, but it can be done."

Have you turned Green? How have you involved your family? Share with us...

“101 Ways to Have Fun With A Young Child!”

Here's a collaborative parenting project:

“101 Ways to Have Fun With A Young Child!”

Add your fun ideas by clicking the comment link. Feel free to write a few words to explain the idea with some detail. See my example in #1. We will continue the numerical count to 101…

1. Go to the park: Every city has one somewhere. Mark on a calendar where the closest one is to you and where other children play. Playing at the park offers your child socialization opportunities and physical outlets. It also tires them out before nap time!

Share now by clicking the comment link...

10 Slam-Dunk Crafts For Little Kids -- And Bigger Kids Too!

10 Slam-Dunk Crafts For Little Kids -- And Bigger Kids Too!

by: Kid Crafts Magazine

Crafting with young children really isn't about creating something in particular. Most young children don't have the foresight to see what a project is going to be. For young children it's more important that they have the opportunity to play and experiment with art. Kids need to use as many of their senses as possible to get the most out of crafting. This allow them to try new sensory experiences, as well as learn causal relationships. These are my 10 favorite crafts for little kids based on all that AND the 'fun factor.' 1. Finger painting: Finger painting is a wonderful activity for kids. It lets them 'feel' the craft as well as be creative. You don't have to have finger paints to do this activity with kids. You can finger paint with homemade paint, watercolors or even mud. You can also experiment with adding other things to the paint such as sand or glitter. 2. Yarn Painting: Dip pieces of string or yarn into paint and then drag it across the paper to paint with it. It's a good experience to paint with something other than a brush and you can just throw the yarn away when finished. 3. Q-Tip Painting: Use Q-tips to create a painting. There are lots of ways to use a Q-tip - scrub, dot, or use it like a brush. It's a good coordination exercise because Q-tips are small around, but it also provides a lot of interest for the child. 4. Glue Art: Draw squiggle lines on a piece of paper or let the child use their finger to make random glue spots or patterns on a piece of paper. Experiment with adding different objects to the glue. Sand, glitter, cotton, yarn, feathers, and tissue paper all work well. 5. Salt Dough Sculpture: Make a batch of salt dough and turn the kids loose with it. You don't have to worry about them eating it (it's safe and tastes terrible) and clean up is easier than play dough. If you want to keep their creations, let them dry overnight and then paint them the next day. 6. Toe Painting: If it's a warm summer day, put on the swimsuits, put some finger paint into pie tins, lay out large sheets of poster paper, and let them 'paint' all afternoon. They will have a ball and all you have to do is hose them off when they are done (that's my kids' favorite part actually!) 7. Found Object Art: This project is always a sure thing because kids love to 'discover' things. Let your child gather up leaves, sticks, flowers, etc. and then glue them onto a piece of paper. When they are done, let them tell you about their collection. 8. Peanut Pictures: Every kid loves to play with packing peanuts -- but it makes such a mess. Let them create pictures with them instead. Kids can draw on them, glue them to a sheet of paper, or glue the peanuts to each other to make a sculpture. The kids will love it! 9. Sticker Play: Turn your child loose with a bunch of stickers, markers, and a sheet of paper and let them create. It's good for little ones to work on their coordination, and it's fun! 10. Stamping: Kids love to use any kind of stamps. My favorites are the self-inking stamps or the double-sided markers with the stamps on one end. This may sound like pure play, but is also teaches young children cause and effect.