What to do When Your Child Lies

 

By: Anthony Kane, MD

Introduction

"Have a Defiant Child Problem?"

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Children lie. This is part of their normal development. Throughout childhood, children clarify boundaries by testing limits. Lying is one of the things that they test. Therefore, when your child lies you should not take it personally.

Although some children are capable of deceiving by age four, five years of age is when children commonly experiment with lying. However, lying usually does not signal a serious problem. Unless lying becomes habitual or compulsive, your child will grow out of it.

Problem of Lying

Some children have a greater tendency to lie than others. This is particularly true if the child sees others lie, or where he views lying as a way to protect himself from harm. Certain personality types also have a inclination to lie. Lying hurts the liar. Chronic or habitual liars rarely feel good about themselves. Lying may cause difficulties for the child at school and with their friends. It isolates him from those he loves and may disrupt family life.

Reasons Children Lie

Very young children are not yet able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Children this age have a very active imagination and cannot always differentiate between their imagination and what really happened. Also, children this age often appear to be lying when in actuality they have honestly forgotten what happened.

Around the age of 5 or 6 children develop a better understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality. At this age, children develop a conscience and understand that certain behaviors disappoint their parents. Children also begin to experience feelings of guilt when they do wrong. At this age a child may construct a lie to avoid punishment or disapproval.

By the age of 7 or 8, children can differentiate between fantasy and reality and usually tell the truth. At this age, children lie to avoid punishment or to avoid doing something unpleasant. They also begin to understand the concept of polite social lying. They may lie to spare someone's feelings. Lies at this age may also be a cry for help. A child who is very fearful or feels overwhelmed by school or some other area of his life, may lie in an attempt to deal with this pressure.

In adolescence, lying begins to take on a new significance. However, when an adolescent lies it is not always a sign of trouble. Teens may lie simply to protect their privacy or to establish their independence. They may also lie in "acceptable situations" such as not to hurt a friend's feelings or to avoid embarrassment. Of course, a teen may lie to avoid punishment or doing chores, or in order to get something that he can't get by telling the truth.

How to Prevent Lying

Be a Good Role Model

• You are the most important role models for your child. Tell the truth. Avoid little white lies.
• Don’t lie to your child to get him to listen to you.
• Keep your word. Always explain and apologize if you must break a promise.

Encourage Truthfulness

• Stress the importance of honesty at home.
• Let your child know that you value truth.
• Teach your child alternatives to lying.
• Praise your child for telling the truth, particularly in situations where it is difficult for your child.
• Create a safe family environment so that your child can express his feelings.
• Don’t accept excuses for lying.
• Assume your child is telling the truth.

What to Do When Your Child Lies

• Do not ignore lying.
• Give your child a chance to confess.
• Give appropriate consequences for lying.
• Don't act spontaneously. Think out consequences for lying beforehand.
• Separate the punishment for lying from the punishment for whatever the lie was designed to conceal.
• Have your child apologize.
• Show your child how to repair the lie.
• Don't lecture.

When Lying is a Problem

The following types of lying may indicate a more serious problem.
An older child or teen that lies:
• To get attention.
• Habitually as a way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers, and friends.
• In order to take advantage of others.
• To hide a more serious problem, such as a drug or alcohol problem.

What to Do About Problem Lying

If a child or adolescent develops a serious and repetitive pattern of lying, then you may need professional help. Have a child or adolescent psychiatrist evaluate your child. Based upon what you find you have several treatment options:
Individual counseling – This is particularly helpful if the lying is a cry for attention.
Family counseling – This is useful for families who feel that trust has been seriously damaged, or in cases where lying is something learned from other family members. Family therapy may be vital when the child lies in order to protect himself from harm.
Group therapy – This form of therapy helps where the child lies as a way of getting attention.
Assessment for a learning disability – Some children lie in order to cover up school difficulties. Lying may be an indication of a learning disability.
Conclusion:
Lying is a normal part of childhood and rarely indicates a problem. Addressing lying early and appropriately will help prevent it from becoming a more serious concern. If your child has a difficulty with lying you need to be patient. Your child needs to know you care about him. Your child may have spent years to become a master of distorting the truth, exaggerating, and lying. It will take time for him to change his behavior.
Click here to get more on your child's behavior today!

When it comes to divorce or separation,

there’s never a “best” time to tell

 your children.

But there is a “best” way!

Introducing my innovative new guidebook …

How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?

doesn’t just tell you what to say. It says it for you!

It’s no secret. Telling your children about the divorce may be the most difficult conversation you’ll ever have. Why leave it to chance?

I wrote this guidebook so you don’t have to worry, spend sleepless nights or beat yourself up about making a mistake … saying the wrong things … falling apart … or not having answers to your children’s immediate questions.

I know there are many books about children and divorce. What makes this one unique? My innovative Create-a-Storybook™ concept. I’ve prepared for you an actual template – the word-for-word text that tells you just what you need to say – in age-appropriate language for children 5 to 10 or 10 to 15. And then I guide you, step-by-step, in preparing an attractive personal family storybook, in a photo-album format, that your children will want to read.

In other words, I don’t just tell you what to say – I actually say it for you – with love and compassion! I also include the six key messages your children continuously need to hear, understand and accept at this crucial time. Even if you don’t purchase my guidebook, you need to make sure you share these essential messages with your kids again and again so that they never forget:

1. You are, and always will be, loved my Mom and Dad.

2. You are, and will continue to be, safe.

3. You are not to blame for any of this.

4. Mom and Dad will still always be your Mom and Dad.

5. This is about change, not about blame

6. Everything is going to be okay.

No other book shows you how to create a customized storybook uniquely about your family … your children … and your divorce!

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What causes childhood anxiety?

What caused your child’s anxiety?

Maybe there's a reason for your child’s anxiety that you can clearly identify like an illness or death in the family, divorce, arrival of a new sibling, or a move, but often, there’s NOTHINGfor you to point a finger at and you’re left wondering why they’re struggling with anxiety!

Is it genetics? Does their DNA doom them to life of anxiety and fear?

Is it the way someone in their life handles anxiety and what they may have accidentally taught your child about handling their emotions?

Is it the lifestyle your family leads? The world seems to move so fast lately because everyone has so much piled on their plate, and don’t even get me started on the economy...

Difficulties with anxiety in children is VERY common, research has shown that as many as one in ten children experience an anxiety disorder. The important thing for you to remember is that no matter the reason for your child’s anxiety, it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.

Genetics may play a role and predispose certain children to problems with anxiety, and maybe looking back there’s things you would have done differently (just like all parents, myself included). But the problem your child is having with their anxiety is NOT a reflection on you or your parenting, and most importantly, it doesn’t have to be permanent. You CAN do something about it.  YOU have the power and ability to help your child change their life.

Do something now with this helpful program. Click here!

  

Image via Wikipedia
"My toddler is very stubborn and they won't get dressed or
do something I need them to do, help!"

Parent Learning Club's Answer...

Toddlers are at a place in their lives where they naturally want to test boundaries.

This is normal.

It's very hard to force a young child to get dressed or much less do anything.

What we recommend is that you shift the relationship dynamic between you
and your child so that your child naturally wants to do helpful things without
resistance. This is not always easy, and it's the result of a multi-faceted approach.
Which is what we cover extensively in the Happy Child Guide.

The quickest way to shift a child's defiance to cooperation is for you to shift your
focus from wanting your child to do what you ask to seeing how you can connect
with your child in a more mutually-respectful and loving way.

Use some of the alternatives to punishment. So you can evaluate the situation
and express yourself and re-connect to the child, so that he or she will feel so
connected to you that they naturally want to work with you... instead of against you.

Happy Child Parenting isn't about forcing your child to do something, it's about
having your child respect you and willingly want to cooperate and behave.
That's what eventually creates healthy respect that lasts a lifetime.

Get more parenting solutions with with the parenting learning club. Click Here!

No More Meltdowns: Positive Strategies for Managing and Preventing Out-Of-Control Behavior

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition

Self-Reflection

Parenting is a journey of endless learning. Which is why we

created a website for parents who are actively learning to be
better parents; the Parent Learning Club Website.

In order to learn, we need to take a fresh look at many of the outdated
parenting tactics and methods that we may have been raised with or tend
to use more reactionarily.

As parents who are learning to raise healthier and happier kids,
we also need to reflect on our actions in order to clearly see the
effectiveness of our own parenting tactics. In order to gain perspective
on how these tactics are affecting our child's emotional, mental and physical
health, for good and bad.

Ask yourself: "Is what I'm doing now based on what is actually
happening in this moment or am I reacting to a memory from
my own childhood; or something that more recently happened?"

Or ask yourself...

"Is it really necessary for me to respond this way?
Will what I'm doing effect my child positively or negatively?"

The aim of this alternative is to first put things in perspective. After all,
we can't expect to make clear and just decisions when we are reacting
impulsively from things that happened to us in our past.

That's why it's critical to take a moment and ask ourselves important clarifying questions.

Let's face it, when we're parenting on auto-pilot (without self-reflection)
we tend to treat our kids the same way we were treated by our own parents.
We often use parenting practices without questioning them.

While these parenting tips and tricks may have been necessary for our parents
to cope with all the demands in their lives, if you're reading this, then you now have
a chance to assess whether or not there may be a healthier way to raise your own child.

Try this Self-Reflection Exercise, and see how it works...

Get a piece of paper and a pen, and, throughout the day, while observing
your interactions with your child, ask yourself these questions, and write
your answers on the paper:

- How did your parents talk to you? Is it how you want to talk with your child?
- Are you doing to your child, what was done to you, out of habit?
- If you're tempted to react or punish, question your motives first, and have a
look at your own childhood.
- Were you punished as a child?
- Did your parents threaten you? make you feel guilty? did they be-little you?
- What did you feel you needed most from your parents that they didn't give
you enough of?
- What did you love most about your parents?
- Can you remember a time that you felt really connected with your mother?
and with your father?
- Was there a game that you played with your parents that you were fond of?
- What kind of physical affection did you receive from your parents?
- What things did your parents do that you don't want to do to your child?
- What things did you learn from your parents that you would like to pass
on to your children?

We can only change things we're aware of...
...and the first step in becoming aware is to
question what we're doing NOW and get
clarity on our first lessons in parenting from
our own upbringing.

-----------

In summary, follow these simple steps:

1. Notice how you parent
2. Ask yourself if what you say to your child is REALLY coming from you, or
if it's the same things that were told to you as a child.
3. Think about your upbringing and answer the above listed questions.

Just noticing for now is enough. You don't have to take action.

Remember, awareness is the first step. Nothing can be effectively "fixed",
"changed" or "improved", until you are clear and aware of what is really
going on for your child.

-----------

That wraps up your e-report:
7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment.
Simply by knowing and applying these
little-known secrets about child disciplie
you'll be way ahead of the game of stressing
less and enjoying the little moments in parenting
more. We hope you've enjoyed these tips and
suggestions. Click here for more...

Here's to your parenting success!

  

Dealing with Picky Eaters

Creativity is Key When Dealing with Toddlers Who are Picky Eaters

Getting Toddlers and Children to Eat a Meal Can Be a Challenge. Here’s How to Attack the Problem

By Chris Thompson

It’s not news that toddlers can be picky, fussy, finicky eaters. The fact of the matter is—it is normal for them to be so.

But before you throw your arms up in the air the next time you encounter such resistance to your efforts to feed your child, you might want to know there are ways to get around this problem.

Physiology (no, not “psychology”) Drives Hunger

The first and the most obvious available to you is human physiology. Our bodies need sustenance; and try as we might not to eat, our bodies will always cause us to become hungry. This law of physiology also applies to your toddler.

However, starving a child to the point that it will eat anything you give it would indeed seem a bit too cruel. It is understandably not a good method for parents to resort to, no matter how desperate they may become to get their child to eat.

What parents need to be when faced with a fussy toddler who refuses to eat or chooses to eat only a certain kind of food is not to become desperate. Instead, they must become creative.

Combine this with Creativity to Solve the Problem

Creativity is the key. And what’s surprising about it is parents don’t have to be told that. They already know this is the way to make children eat.

All parents need therefore, are just tips or ideas on the various creative ways to get their adorable little fussy eaters to want to eat. Below are creative ways to apply next chow time:

Make Use of Colors

Children are wonderful creatures who are still discovering the world around them through their senses. And one sense they make use a lot of is their sense of sight.

This gem of an information means children like to look at shapes and colors. And parents should take advantage of this.

Come next meal time, prepare food that incorporates green, yellow and red colors. Children respond to colors, especially the bright cheerful ones. This will make their meal time very pleasing to them.

Sample foods to use, which are loaded with the proper nutrients needed by the child, are vegetables like carrots and broccoli, and cheese sticks for calcium. The choices are limitless, actually. Let your creativity reign here.

Set the Mood with Colors

If you can use color to make your toddler’s eating experience fun, you can also use it to set up his mood to eat.

Using colors to make people want to eat is the secret of fast food restaurants. Red and orange stimulate hunger, and that is why fast food companies make use of them heavily as colors for their tables or chairs, and display boards, and packages.

But while you’re at it, please avoid the color blue. Blue suppresses hunger.

Use Shapes

Have several cookie cutters of various shapes around. Cut fun shapes out of boring vegetables and other foods. It will make your toddler enjoy meal time very much.

Involve the Child in Food Preparation

Take your child to the grocery and let him help you pick the ingredients for his next meal. This fun activity should also continue at home where you make him assist you in the food preparation.

Even if you just let your child observe, seeing how you transform the food he helped you pick out into his meal would add some excitement to eating experience.

And there you go. Making meal time fun time for your toddler is really up to your imagination. The possibilities for fun meals are limitless.

Now go have a healthy happy meal with your child

…

About The Author:
Chris Thompson is the creator of “Talking to Toddlers”, an audio course for parents. He teaches parents how to overcome the normal problems that every Mom and Dad faces with kids by learning better communication skills.

Make sure you claim your free parenting audio lesson.

  

Developmental after school programs

Image by joelogon via Flickr

Developmental after school programs

As a child grows into an adult, different aspects of his physical,
emotional and mental self needs development. To help a child reach his
full potential, it is necessary to recognize the child's developmental
needs and abilities. To be effective, after school programs should assist
children with tasks they must accomplish during each stage of development.

A child's growth curve can be divided into three main parts:
1) Young child (ages 3-5)
2) Middle school (ages 6-8)
3) Older school (ages 9-12)

The four important domains of development are: The Physical Domain, the
Social Domain, the Emotional Domain and the Intellectual Domain. Each of
these domains needs to be separately addressed during the various phases
of a child's growth. After school programs should concentrate on
developing each domain as applicable to the age of the child. Although the
children participating in these programs may have similar developmental
needs and age, do not expect development to be uniform. Children will
develop as and when they are ready.

Physical Domain:
When children are young, they want to perfect skills that they have just
learnt to control. A variety of movements such as jumping, catching and
throwing delight them. The middle school child, on the other hand, wants
to learn more complex skills and get involved in team sports. This is also
the best time to learn about rules and discipline in sport. The older
school child is ready for more adult-like activities that need greater
structure and discipline, like dancing, gymnastics, music classes etc.

Social Domain:
Young children are observing others and will be interested in games where
they play the roles of family members. They develop short-term friendships
and need an adult's presence to assure them. The middle school child is
intrigued by society and will love trips to factories, public buildings
etc. They want to know the 'how' and 'why' of things. The older school
child is ready to learn about different cultures, food and customs. They
want to do some amount of social work too.

Intellectual Domain:
Young school children will practice what they are learning. Middle school
children want to learn more skills and will show interest in reading,
drama and problem solving. The older school children are ready to research
and probe. They enjoy getting a puzzle and pondering over it.

Any after school program needs to address the interests of the child depending
on the category he belongs to. Knowing the children in your program and
appreciating their needs and interests will help staff to plan and
structure programs that are most useful to that group.

“101 Ways to Have Fun With A Young Child!”

Here's a collaborative parenting project:

“101 Ways to Have Fun With A Young Child!”

Add your fun ideas by clicking the comment link. Feel free to write a few words to explain the idea with some detail. See my example in #1. We will continue the numerical count to 101…

1. Go to the park: Every city has one somewhere. Mark on a calendar where the closest one is to you and where other children play. Playing at the park offers your child socialization opportunities and physical outlets. It also tires them out before nap time!

Share now by clicking the comment link...

10 Slam-Dunk Crafts For Little Kids -- And Bigger Kids Too!

10 Slam-Dunk Crafts For Little Kids -- And Bigger Kids Too!

by: Kid Crafts Magazine

Crafting with young children really isn't about creating something in particular. Most young children don't have the foresight to see what a project is going to be. For young children it's more important that they have the opportunity to play and experiment with art. Kids need to use as many of their senses as possible to get the most out of crafting. This allow them to try new sensory experiences, as well as learn causal relationships. These are my 10 favorite crafts for little kids based on all that AND the 'fun factor.' 1. Finger painting: Finger painting is a wonderful activity for kids. It lets them 'feel' the craft as well as be creative. You don't have to have finger paints to do this activity with kids. You can finger paint with homemade paint, watercolors or even mud. You can also experiment with adding other things to the paint such as sand or glitter. 2. Yarn Painting: Dip pieces of string or yarn into paint and then drag it across the paper to paint with it. It's a good experience to paint with something other than a brush and you can just throw the yarn away when finished. 3. Q-Tip Painting: Use Q-tips to create a painting. There are lots of ways to use a Q-tip - scrub, dot, or use it like a brush. It's a good coordination exercise because Q-tips are small around, but it also provides a lot of interest for the child. 4. Glue Art: Draw squiggle lines on a piece of paper or let the child use their finger to make random glue spots or patterns on a piece of paper. Experiment with adding different objects to the glue. Sand, glitter, cotton, yarn, feathers, and tissue paper all work well. 5. Salt Dough Sculpture: Make a batch of salt dough and turn the kids loose with it. You don't have to worry about them eating it (it's safe and tastes terrible) and clean up is easier than play dough. If you want to keep their creations, let them dry overnight and then paint them the next day. 6. Toe Painting: If it's a warm summer day, put on the swimsuits, put some finger paint into pie tins, lay out large sheets of poster paper, and let them 'paint' all afternoon. They will have a ball and all you have to do is hose them off when they are done (that's my kids' favorite part actually!) 7. Found Object Art: This project is always a sure thing because kids love to 'discover' things. Let your child gather up leaves, sticks, flowers, etc. and then glue them onto a piece of paper. When they are done, let them tell you about their collection. 8. Peanut Pictures: Every kid loves to play with packing peanuts -- but it makes such a mess. Let them create pictures with them instead. Kids can draw on them, glue them to a sheet of paper, or glue the peanuts to each other to make a sculpture. The kids will love it! 9. Sticker Play: Turn your child loose with a bunch of stickers, markers, and a sheet of paper and let them create. It's good for little ones to work on their coordination, and it's fun! 10. Stamping: Kids love to use any kind of stamps. My favorites are the self-inking stamps or the double-sided markers with the stamps on one end. This may sound like pure play, but is also teaches young children cause and effect.